رفع اشکال و نظرسنجی درمورد نمونه های Writing شما

[Cortex]

Writing Task 2


Too much attention is given to headline-grabbing disasters like earthquakes and floods.Governments should concentrate their resources on education people about the risks they face nearer to home, which can cost far more lives.


To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Today natural disasters such as earthquake and flood are happening often in all the word. Every people faced or will face with these, at least one time in her/his life. In this essay i'll explain the way that people can protect themselves.
The natural disasters are events which we can't predict or prevent them. But we can protect ourselves from their effects. Scientists found one reason for these, which is global warming. It changes climate and makes the temperature rises. So it causes that the level of sea water rises. Then the cities near the beaches will face with Tsunami or flood. Furthermore, earthquake often happening in the countries that are on fault line. so the government should work on base structures. For example, in countries wich earthquake happened many times, they should force engineers to build apartments which are strong against earthquake. As we know, in some countries like Japan and China they have these laws. Because of that their buildings are strong enough against earthquake with 8 richter.
In addition the governments should empty the areas near active volcanoes, because when the volcanoes erupt, the lavas will destroy every thing in its way.
In my opinion the most important work, that the government must do, is educating people how they can protect themeselves from risks they face nearer to home. For example, in earthquake they should take away from stuff like windows.
To sum up, I agree with educating people about risks, but it is not enough. The government should recognize the natural disasters in area and work on base structure.

...

میشه اشکالاتش رو بگید؟

سلام دوست عزیز
به سایت خودتون خوش آمدید
همونطور که دوست عزیزمون ice گفتند این خیلی مهمه که شما قبل از اینکه دست به قلم بشید برای نوشتن رایتینگ چندین بار موضوع خواسته شده را بخوانید. شاید اولین چیزی که در نوشتن رایتینگ مهم هست Concentrate روی موضوع است... عموماً هر تَسک یه تکیه و زوم دارد. مثلاً این موضوع بیشترین تکیه و تاکیدش بروی کمک دولت برای زیرساخت های جلوگیری از بلاهای طبیعی نزدیکتر به خانه هاست. چیزی که شما اصلاً به آن اشاره نکردید.

متن شما مشکل آنچنانی ندارد؛ فقط کمی از لحاظ گرامری و قیدها مشکل دارید. دامنه لغات تکراری دارید و متن تان را کمی رسمی تر کنید. سعی کنید به ترتیب عوامل نوشتاری خود را در متن بیاورید و در آخر از تمام اینها نتیجه گیری کنید. از موضوع دور نشوید. نیازی نیست هرچه در چنته دارید رو کنید.
در رایتینگ علم نوشتاری شما مورد بحث است نه اطلاعات عمومی.
کتاب های رایتینگ Mc.Carter را مطالعه بفرمایید.
موفق باشید