31-08-2012, 12:50 AM
(30-08-2012, 09:55 PM)QUPHAS نوشته: سلام دوستانسلام، متن شما اونقدرها هم که فکر می کنید بد نیست. البته باید بگم که اشتباهات گرامری و نگارشی نسبتاً زیاد دارید. بهتره کمی با استفاده از منابع Writing و گرامر، در این دو مقوله وضعیت تون رو بهتر کنید. خیلی جاها جملات رو ترجمه تحت الفظی کردید، که باید سعی کنید این شیوه رو کنار بذارید. موضوع رو خوب بسط ندادید، البته دلیلش رو عنوان کردید خودتون. البته مثال ها و نظراتتون به نسبت بد نبود. وجود یک پاراگراف برای conclusion هم حتماً لازم هست. من سعی کردم مواردی که به نظرم اشتباه بود رو با قرمز اصلاح کنم، البته به نظرم یه سری جملات در کل مشکل دارند و نیاز دارند از اول نوشته بشند.
لطفی بنمایید و این رایتینگ من رو هم یک نگاه بندازید!
البته بگم، مدیونید اگر بخندیدا
بالاخره هر کس یک سطحی داره، نه ؟
چون سرعتم پایینه به نتیجه گیری نرسیدم!!!
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Always telling the truth is the most important consideration in any relationship.
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In
my opinion the kind (type) of relationshipcan tell that telling a lie is acceptable or not (determines whether lying is acceptable or not). Must (Most) of the times lie induce a bad sense to anybody (people) (*it's a vague sentence*), but I believe that lies can be acceptable in some situation (situations).
Lies are unacceptable when they can (*you can omit "can"*) hurt other people. For example (,) in friendly relationship (relationships), even a lie can obstacle the relation (*vague sentence again*). Last year, I ended my relationship with one of my friends because I was sure that he told me an unreasonable lie. In business relationships honesty is an important factor, too. For example (,) last month I went to an
insurance company to enroll in their services, but I feel (felt) the presenter started to exaggerate and wanted to wheedle me. So (*not very formal. You could say therefore instead*) I didn't sign the convention
On the other hand, lies have some benefits to persons that are listening to those (them). For example (,) when a child is not good in her or his lessons, (the) teacher may not tell this situation directly, because it can damage child's self-confidence. Instead of that, (Instead,) (the) teacher may use a tactful approach to help the child. Another situation that (in which) lies are acceptable is when a doctor didn't (doesn't) tell everything that is happening to a patient. For example (,) my cosine (cousin) suffered by (from) cancer and when (the) doctors were sure that there is (was) not any (no) hope for cure; they didn't explain this situation to him so he was hopeful and happy until he died.
در کل من پیشنهاد می کنم روی گرامر و شیوه های نگارش بیشتر کار کنید. به انجمن منابع مطالعاتی مراجعه کنید، منابع خوبی برای هر دوی اینها وجود داره. امیدوارم موفق بشید.