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آکادمیا کافه دریافت پذیرش آزمون‌ها TOEFL آزمون iBT مشاوره و رفع اشکال iBT نمونه Writing های تافل iBT خود را در این تاپیک قرار دهید.

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نمونه Writing های تافل iBT خود را در این تاپیک قرار دهید.
آفلاین spring64
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#61
08-02-2013, 02:11 PM
سلام دوستان.من نمونه رایتینگی رو در اینجا قرار میدم و سپاسگزار خواهم بود اگر نظرتون رو بفرمایید.در ضمن اولین نمونه ای هم هست که نوشتم.با تشکر.
If you could change one important thing about you hometown ,what would you change?use reasons and specific examples to support your answer
.
If I have the opportunity to change an important thing in my hometown,definitely it will be a substantial change in city transportation system.Among many necessary needs in this case,I can mention to three more important onesConfusedubway system,more superhighways and the last but not least,allocating more buses and buss stations in remote areas of the city.

After waiting for too much,we must take a serious decision about establishing a subway system for a town with over one million people inhabit in. Main streets of my city,were built around one-hundred year ago and they cannot accept today's population of city.Transportation of travelers from one place to another,both in central parts of the city,is too much slow.People in streets specially have a great deal of trouble around 8:00 AM and 6:00 PM,two most overcrowded times.All this,result in deep need of subway system through which people including students, office workers and rest of wide variety of other working persons can go to their schools,universities and works with less trouble both for themselves and others.
Absence of more superhighways also is crucially a great lack which can be seen and felt with everyone who travels to my city;and of the greatest importance,to the citizens.This shortage is spontaneously emphasized during up-to-several-days vacations,when there is a great volume of travels from all over the country towards my city.Most of these times,I can see dissatisfied travelers who look for convenient superhighways which is essential for fast transportations throughout city,specially when one wants to visit several far-away places in a short time.It is obviously that citizens have doubled problems in such overcrowded days.All things considered, I think that more superhighways are vital for my city without any doubt.

It can be clearly observed that citizens specially those who don't own cars,have substantial problems when they need to go to remote areas of the city.In my point of view,his problem can solve by allocating more buses and buss stations in such areas.Though one might think that this is waste of money and such facilities should allocate to central and near-central parts of the city,I think that such an allocation can provide citizen's security and in greater scale of time,this can result to distribute population in these areas as well as central parts.

All in all,establishing the first subway system together with building more superhighways and assigning buses and buss stations in remote parts,are three most important solutions I've planned to improve transportation system of my city.I believe these solutions can be a great change in the current situation of the city where I live in.

424 کلمه.
 
♬If you're going to San Francisco, Be sure to wear some flowers in your hair♬
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آفلاین gity68
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#62
08-02-2013, 05:05 PM (آخرین تغییر در ارسال: 08-02-2013, 05:28 PM توسط gity68.)
من خودم رایتینگم انقدرا قوی نیست اما تا جای که به
نظرم رسید گفتم، کلا بیشتر بخونین، از for example, for instance و
.. سعی‌ کنین تو هر بند استفاده کنین
از clause بیشتر استفاده کنین چون باعث می‌شه رسمیتر
بشه. مطمئن باشین رایتینگ با خوندن و ایده گرفتن پیشرفتش خیلی سریعه
اونجاهایی که علامت سوال گذاشتم اگه بقیه بچه‌ها می‌دونن
بگن لطفا

If
I have (had) the opportunity to change an
important thing in my hometown, (bad az virgul va
noghte hatman space biad)
definitely it will (would) be a substantial change in city transportation
system.(space)Among many necessary needs in this
case,(space..ino dge tekrar nemikonam)I can
mention to the three more(most fekr mikonam behtare(?))important ones: buiding more subway system, (yek
fel bayad biad+ing)
more superhighways and the last but not
least,allocating more buses and buss stations in remote areas of the city.(vaghti se ta dalil miarin bayad noe clause ha yeki bashe,
maslan hame avaleshun fel bashe, dar morede jomlatun masalan: chon akhari ro ba
allocating goftin man baghiaro ham be
nazaram bayad fel+ing biarin…)




After waiting for too much(yek kam informal nist? Shayad
Because of the rapid change in the population of our city, now it is the
time
to think more about establishing new transportation systems such as subways)
,we must take (make decision) a serious decision about establishing a subway system for
a town with over one million people inhabit in(nemidunam
vali fekr konam it nabayad hazf mishod(?))
. (the?)Main
streets of my city,were built around one-hundred year ago and they cannot accept
(bazam motmaen nistam vali fekr konam withstand behtar
bashe)
today's population of the city.Transportation
of travelers from one place to another,both in central parts of the city (man nafahmidam manzooretun chie, both be chi barmigarde?),is
too much slow.People in streets specially have a great deal of trouble around
8:00 AM and 6:00 PM,two most overcrowded times.All this,result in deep need of
subway system through (by?) which people including students, office workers and rest
of wide variety of other working persons ( engar
mikhayn begin: baba kheeeeeeeeeeeilia hastan asan! Ye kam informal be nazaram
resid, shayad 'wide variety' ro ghable people biarin behtar bashe: ‘wide variety of people such as students
and office workers’
) can go to their schools,universities and works with
less trouble both for themselves and others. (dar
molrede ‘others’ tozihi nadadin, ini ke migam fekr konam kheili mola loghatie vali
dar kol nabayad chizi ke tozihi dar barash nadadin biad, vali vase emtehana
fekr nemikonam irad bashe!)
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آفلاین ahmadpashaei
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#63
09-04-2013, 02:42 PM
فکر کنم نباید integrated task رو بذاریم ولی حالا من اینو گذاشتم که مال pre-test Longman iBT هست. میشه نظرتون رو بفرمایید.البته من اون زمان اصلا آشنایی با تافل و سوالاتش نداشتم و تازه دارم یاد میگیرم یواش یواش[img]images/smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img]
Q1- How does the information in the listening passage add to the ideas presented in the reading passage?
 
The reading passage discusses a special phenomenon about human memory which is called childhood amnesia. That is inability to remember events that have occurred in their first few years of lives. Studies imply that people do not tend to remember anything from their first three to five years of their lives. There are two possible difficulties in this case:
  1. There is no way to check whether the remembered events actually occurred.
    The subjects can remember events that have been well organized and documented from childhood. So the results remain constant that people not to tend remember anything from their first few years of life.
The listening passage discusses the cause of childhood amnesia. Studies show that there are huge differences in the way that young children and adults encode their memories. Adults retain memories in an organized way that could help them to remember. In contrast young children encode their experiences randomly as they happen. All this refers to a part of brain which is called Hippocampus. The hippocampus helps the brain organized memories and information. In the first two to three years of life the hippocampus do not mature and cause not to be capable organize information in the brain.
In conclusion, not maturing of hippocampus lead to randomly encode memories and they do not last. Therefore we cannot remember memories.
(227 words in more than 30 minutes instead of 20 minutes!!)

پدرم عزیزم روحتون شاد.
my Instagram: @persepolis_immigration
سمــرقند و بــــخارا نـــــور چـــشــــــمان مـــــن است / تاشکــنـدم قــــلب و کـــابل روح ایـــــران مــــــن است
آن بـــهـشتی را که توصـــیــفـش کــنند ایـــــران ماست / بـــادکـوبه، مـــــــرو و غــــزنه بــــرکه شـــیــران ماست
بـشکند دستی که مــــام مـــیهنم از هم گــــــسیخت / دشــــمنی افـــــکند بــــین مـــا و خـــــــود گــریـخـت
آذری و کــرد و تاجـــیـــک و بلــــــوچ یـــک پیـــکــریــم / بخــــتیاری، لر، گیلک و مازندرانی، مــردم یک کـشوریــم
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آفلاین ahmadpashaei
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#64
09-04-2013, 02:49 PM (آخرین تغییر در ارسال: 09-04-2013, 02:50 PM توسط ahmadpashaei.)
اینم مثل قبلی مال pre test Longman هست.
Q2- What recent news story has affected you the most? In what ways has it affected you? Use reasons and examples to support your response. (26 words)
 
I have read an article in the Bazare-Kar newspaper recently that has deeply affected me. It was about the number of candidates in the exam for employment in the Department of Energy of Iran. According to the article the number of test takers was about 107,100 in round figure! But the notice is that the department had intended to employ almost 1500 employees among all candidates with at least Associated Degree up to Ph.D in Iran!
It was such a shocking figure for a country like Iran which made me depressed. Because there was not any coincidence between the number of candidates and admitted people for the next stage, interview. I was one of the candidates of that damn exam who has a miniature chance for being accepted to proceed next stage. After I have read that news I became so dismal and lost my confidence and hope. It shows that most of the graduated students in Iran are unemployed. It is not fair for a country with huge amounts of natural resources whereas it is expected Iran be a wealthy and developed country. This figure of unemployed alumnus and graduated people is an extremely disastrous statistic which significantly exhibits the inefficiency of the government. So this think has been induced me to take an important decision for my life. I have needed a tactful and perfect decision and finaly I have concluded the chase of thinks. The result of thinks is briefly described in the following.
After this disappointment I thought it might be a useless work if I continue my education in Iran. Because the chance of finding an appropriate job after graduation is rather low. Then I have decided to go abroad and continue my education and studies until I get my Ph.D in my major and being confident for finding a suitable job after my graduation. Because this condition unfortunately have made me reluctant to keep on my education in Iran
.
(325 words in more than one hour instead of 30 minutes!!)
 
 
پدرم عزیزم روحتون شاد.
my Instagram: @persepolis_immigration
سمــرقند و بــــخارا نـــــور چـــشــــــمان مـــــن است / تاشکــنـدم قــــلب و کـــابل روح ایـــــران مــــــن است
آن بـــهـشتی را که توصـــیــفـش کــنند ایـــــران ماست / بـــادکـوبه، مـــــــرو و غــــزنه بــــرکه شـــیــران ماست
بـشکند دستی که مــــام مـــیهنم از هم گــــــسیخت / دشــــمنی افـــــکند بــــین مـــا و خـــــــود گــریـخـت
آذری و کــرد و تاجـــیـــک و بلــــــوچ یـــک پیـــکــریــم / بخــــتیاری، لر، گیلک و مازندرانی، مــردم یک کـشوریــم
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آفلاین Bahareh-1990
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#65
18-11-2013, 12:19 PM (آخرین تغییر در ارسال: 18-11-2013, 12:22 PM توسط Bahareh-1990.)
سلام.
خوشحال میشم اگر نظراتتون رو بدونم.
[dir=ltr]Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
At universities and colleges sports and social activities are as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support.

"If we think of universities and colleges as the places to prepare individuals for contributing to their prospective professions more effectively, I think that question answers itself.
Since human-being is adapted to live in groups, one of the most prominent skills one should possess in order to advance in their career and act in society more effectively is the ability of communicating and collaborating with other members of society efficiently. Therefore these activities should not be considered as the side activities which are of second importance but as the main body of the curriculum which is crucial to prepare students to be more effective in their future life.
The other aspect of these activities that has to be taken into consideration is that they positively affect the constitution of a large group of society and in this way increase the level of society's health and decrease the rate of serious disease, hence, the rate of death.
If we look at this matter from economical perspective that would be beneficial too, because investing money in these activities at colleges and universities may seem to inflict some additional costs on the government at the first glance but in fact by decreasing health care expenditure, it decreases costs much more than the amount of money invested.
Another reason that can be mentioned to support the idea of this policy being beneficial is that all societies must allocate a budget to professional sports either to find new talent or to improve their abilities. Since the majority of the young population of society attend at universities and colleges, in addition to other benefits mentioned above, a part of this budget can be invested there more effectively. The other significant advantage of this action is providing the students with a platform through which they can learn about their interest, strength and weakness in the field of sports and that may encourage them to pursue a particular sport as their profession. "
[/dir]
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آفلاین M1KE
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#66
18-11-2013, 02:45 PM (آخرین تغییر در ارسال: 18-11-2013, 03:44 PM توسط M1KE.)
به نظرم خیلی خوب نوشتید و دامنه واژگان خوبی در نوشته شما استفاده شده. همین طور طور ارتباط و پیوستگی نسبتا خوبی بین جمله‌ها برقرار هست. یک سری مواردی که به نظرم می رسند رو پیشنهاد می دهم که شاید نوشته شما را بهتر کنند.

در پاراگراف زیر به نظرم به جای عبارت act in society اگر از عبارتی مثل participate in social activities استفاده کنید زیباتر خواهد بود. همین طور بعد از عبارت‌هایی مثل Therefore یا However یا مانند اینها که ابتدای جمله می‌آیند بهتر است کاما (,) گذاشته شود.

Since human-being is adapted to live in groups, one of the most prominent skills one should possess in order to advance in their career and act in society more effectively is the ability of communicating and collaborating with other members of society efficiently.  Therefore these activities should not be considered as the side activities which are of second importance but as the main body of the curriculum which is crucial to prepare students to be more effective in their future life.

در پاراگراف زیر به نظر می رسد disease می‌بایست جمع بسته شود (diseases) یعنی گفته نرخ بیماری‌های جدی کاهش می‌یابد نه نرخ بیماری جدی. همین طور در مورد عبارت society's health در کل در انگلیسی عبارت‌هایی مثل سلامت اجتماعی٬ سلامت روانی و رشد اقتصادی زیباتر از عبارت‌های سلامت جامعه٬ سلامت روان و رشد اقتصاد هستند. یعنی به جای society's health نوشته شود social health تا 's حذف شود.

The other aspect of these activities that has to be taken into consideration is that they positively affect the constitution of a large group of society and in this way increase the level of society's health and decrease the rate of serious disease, hence, the rate of death.

برای نمونه در پاراگراف بعدی زیر عبارتی که خط کشیده‌ام این کار انجام شده. به جای investing money هم می‌توانید برای زیبایی financial investment بگذارید.

If we look at this matter from economical perspective that would be beneficial too, because investing money in these activities at colleges and universities may seem to inflict some additional costs on the government at the first glance but in fact by decreasing health care expenditure, it decreases costs much more than the amount of money invested.

پاراگراف بالا البته دو ساختار را ترکیب کرده و کمی مبهم شده. به طور خلاصه٬ در حال حاضر در این جمله اشاره شده که:

اگر به این پدیده از منظر اقتصادی هم نگاه کنیم می بینینم که سودمند است زیرا اگرچه ممکن است اینطور به نظر برسد که سرمایه گذاری مالی در دانشگاه‌ها هزینه های دولت را افزایش دهد با این حال٬ در واقع با کاهش هزینه های سلامت می‌توان هزینه‌های سرمایه گذاری شده اولیه را کاهش داد.

به نظرم وقتی صحبت از حمایت (support) یک نظر هستیم نباید پشت بند آن به یک جنبه منفی اشاره شود که بعد بخواهیم دوباره آن را توجیه کنیم. بهتر است ابتدا به نکته منفی اشاره شود بعد توجیه شود و بعد نتیجه گرفته شود که پس آن نظر چیز خوبی است. یعنی جمله به این صورت نوشته شود:

اگرچه ممکن است اینطور به نظر برسد که سرمایه گذاری مالی در دانشگاه‌ها هزینه های دولت را افزایش دهد با این حال٬ در واقع با کاهش هزینه های سلامت می‌توان هزینه‌های سرمایه گذاری شده اولیه را کاهش داد. بنابراین اگر به این پدیده (سرمایه گذازی در فعالیت های ورزشی) از منظر اقتصادی هم که نگاه کنیم می بینینم که سودمند است.

(البته توجه داشته باشید که در انگلیسی بعد از «اگرچه» در جمله دوم از عبارت‌هایی مثل «ولی» و «با این حال» استفاده نمی‌شود و فقط یک کاما گذاشته می‌شود. یعنی اینطور نوشته می‌شود: Although he is rich, he never helps anybody)

در مجموع٬ از نظر ساختاری بهتر است مقدمه نوشته شما طولانی تر باشد یا اینکه جمله اول به پاراگراف دوم متصل شوند که به مقدمه تبدیل شوند به صورت زیر:

If we think of universities and colleges as the places to prepare individuals for contributing to their prospective professions more effectively, I think that question answers itself. Since human-being is adapted to live in groups, one of the most prominent skills one should possess in order to advance in their career and act in society more effectively is the ability of communicating and collaborating with other members of society efficiently. Therefore these activities should not be considered as the side activities which are of second importance but as the main body of the curriculum which is crucial to prepare students to be more effective in their future life.

همین طور به نظرم نوشته شما جمع بندی ندارد که بزرگترین نقطه ضعف آن است. بهتر است ساختار پاراگراف انتهایی را به شکلی بنویسد که جمع بندی مربوط به مواردی باشد که در ابتدای کار به آنها اشاره کرده اید و موارد و دلایل اضافی را هم همراه آنها اشاره کنید و یک نتیجه کلی بگیرید.
ای دگرگون کننده ی دل ها و چشم ها / ای گرداننده ی روزها و شب ها / ای تغییر دهنده ی روزگار و انسان ها / حال ما را به بهترین حال دگرگون فرما
.We are all visitors to this time, this place. We are just passing through. Our purpose here is to observe, to learn, to grow, to love... and then we return home
Aboriginal Proverb -
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آفلاین Bahareh-1990
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#67
19-11-2013, 06:15 PM (آخرین تغییر در ارسال: 19-11-2013, 06:56 PM توسط Bahareh-1990.)
ممنون میشم اگر اشکالات و یا پیشنهاداتتون رو در مورد این متن بدونم. اگر کسی از دوستان از نحوه نمره دهی اطلاع داره خوشحال میشم نمره احتمالی این متن رو هم بدونم. (تعداد کلمات:329 )
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Always telling the truth is the most important consideration in any relationship between people.


"From my perspective, the most important feature of any relationship is the mutual trust and respect. Lying is the main reason of relationship breakups. The primary problem stemming from lying is that it negatively impacts the other side of the relationship and contributes to giving them a fake first impression. Although one may think that lying in some cases can conceal the relationship problems and it may work for a short period, in fact it could lead to mutual disrespect and distrust. Based upon my own personal experience, there is no chance to preserve a relationship in the long run when one of the parties involved is inclined to manipulate the other one through lying.
Another aspect of this issue worth mentioning is that lying would degrade one's social prestige and credit and once it happens it would be difficult to make up for that. Also, the majority of society members often think of this group of people as cowards because they are afraid of facing their problems and would rather evade them by lying than stand against them. Moreover, lying resembles contagious diseases which can transfer to all aspects of someone's life in a way that they eventually find themselves wound up telling more and more lies to conceal the prior ones.
Some other disadvantages of lying that could be even more devastating than other prior problems mentioned above, is that lying provides a platform which is capable of developing misunderstanding and that could bring about some additional problems other than those stemming from its nature and essence. Therefore, through misunderstanding the destruction of mutual respect and trust occurs and the relationship ends up falling apart.
To sum up, the trust and truthfulness alongside with mutual respect are the most critical characteristics in any relationship. If people came to their senses and could understand how destructive lying might be and if they were aware of its devastating consequences, I believe nobody would ever dare to lie."
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آفلاین M1KE
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#68
19-11-2013, 10:32 PM
در مجموع این بار خیلی بهتر نوشتید. این بار خوشبختانه متن شما دارای یک جمع‌بندی هست که البته به شکلی که در ادامه خواهم گفت می‌تونه بهبود پیدا کنه. نقاط قوت نوشته شما استفاده از دایره واژگان خوب و داشتن ساختار گرامری خوب هست. نقاط ضعف نوشته شما نداشتن ساختار در نوشته هست. یعنی مشخص نیست نوشته از کجا شروع و به کجا پایان می‌یابد. در ادامه در این مورد هم بیشتر توضیح می‌دهم. در کل فکر می‌کنم نوشته شما در مقیاس آیلتس در حدود  ۷/۵ و در مقیاس تافل در حدود ۲۵ هست.

در مورد ساختار نوشته به طور خلاصه می بایست به این صورت باشد که در ابتدا نظر کلی خودتان را در مورد مساله مطرح شده بیان کنید (موافق یا مخالف)٬ سپس در مرحله دوم دلایل این موافقت یا مخالفت خود را بیان کنید و در انتها با توجه به دلایل مطرح شده نتیجه‌گیری کنید.

به عبارتی پاراگراف اول نقش مقدمه را داشته و در آن نظر کلی خودتان را بیان کنید و سپس در دو پاراگراف میانی دلایل خودتان را برای نظر بیان شده شرح و بسط دهید. در هر پاراگراف میانی هم سعی کنید روی یک دلیل یا جنبه خاص متمرکز شوید و با آوردن دلایل مختلف پاراگراف موردنظر را به ملغمه‌ای از دلایل متنوع تبدیل نسازید. در عوص در هر پاراگراف فقط یک دلیل اصلی بیاورید. برای نمونه پاراگراف دوم شما با دلیل «از بین رفتن جایگاه و اعتبار اجتماعی» شروع می شود سپس به «ترسو قلمداد شدن دروغگوها» پرداخته شده و در نهایت هم به «مجبور شدن فرد به گفتن دروغ های متوالی» ختم شده. در حالی که بهتر بود یکی از اینها شرح و بسط داده می شد.

برای شرح و بسط و حمایت از یک دلیل هم می‌توانید از آوردن مثال‌های شخصی (که جایش در نوشته شما بسیار خالی است) و همین طور آمار علمی استفاده کنید. برای نمونه در مورد مثال شخصی می توانید به یکی از تجربه های شخصی خودتان با یکی از دوستانتان یا معلم تان یا هر فرد دیگری اشاره کنید که چطور دروغگویی شما یا ایشان باعث بدتر شدن رابطه شما و ایشان شد. در مورد آمار علمی هم برای نمونه می‌توانید اشاره کنید که طبق بررسی‌های پژوهشگران در سال‌های اخیر حدود دو سوم طلاق‌ها به دلیل عدم اعتماد بوده یا مثال‌هایی از این دست (در مورد آمار لزومی ندارد واقعی باشند چون بیشتر از دید گرامری و قواعد نگارش بررسی می‌شوند و نه صحت اطلاعات٬ فقط خیلی هم خیالی نباشند).

در قسمت جمع‌بندی هم اشاره‌ای به دلایل اصلی که در پاراگراف‌های میانی کنید و با توجه به آنها نتیجه بگیرید و نه اینکه صرفا یک عبارت «برای جمع‌بندی» بگذارید و سپس یک نظر کلی بیان کنید. برای نمونه اینطور بیان کنید که با توجه به اینکه درغگویی باعث از بین رفتن اعتبار و شخصیت اجتماعی فرد می شود (موردی که در یکی از پاراگراف ها قبلا شرح و بسط داده شده) و همین طور با توجه به اینکه روابط شخصی و درون خانوادگی فرد با دوستان و اعضای خانواده را دچار مشکل می کند (مورد دیگری که در یکی دیگر از پاراگراف های میانی روی آن بحث شده) در نتیجه اینطور نتیجه می گیریم که دروع گفنن کار عاقلانه و درستی نیست. بعد می تواند یک دلیل دیگر هم در مخالفت با پدیده دروغگویی بگویید و قسمت جمع بندی را به انتها برسانید.
=====================
به طور خلاصه:
- در مقدمه سعی کنید بیشتر از آنکه دلیل و توجیه بیاورید نظر کلی خودتان را در مورد مساله موردنظر بگویید و موضع خودتان را (موافق یا مخالف) مشخص سازید.
- در هر پاراگراف میانی روی یک جنبه یا دلیل خاص متمرکز شوید و برای آن مثال های شخصی یا دلایل علمی و آماری بیاورید.
- در قسمت جمع بندی به دلایلی که در قسمت های میانی آوردید به طور خلاصه اشاره کنید و با آوردن یک دلیل کلی دیگر در مورد نظر موافق یا مخالف خودتان یک جمع بندی نمایید.
======================
* در پاراگراف اول به جای Based upon my own personal experience به نظرم Based on بگذارید بهتر است. Based upon اگرچه غلط نیست ولی کمی قدیمی است. همین طور کاربرد آن کمی در انگلیسی بریتانیایی بیشتر از آمریکایی است.
ای دگرگون کننده ی دل ها و چشم ها / ای گرداننده ی روزها و شب ها / ای تغییر دهنده ی روزگار و انسان ها / حال ما را به بهترین حال دگرگون فرما
.We are all visitors to this time, this place. We are just passing through. Our purpose here is to observe, to learn, to grow, to love... and then we return home
Aboriginal Proverb -
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آفلاین bita65
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#69
15-06-2014, 09:55 AM
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Governments should focus their budgets more on environmental protection than on economic development.
 
We are living in an age in which government plays significant role in diverse aspects of a country. Environment maintenance and economic enhancement are two important fields. Government should focus on these areas. Although economic problems may have great influences on a country, I hold the view that a government should spend more budgets on environment to improve mental and physical pats. Personally, I subscribe to this idea that government should have more attention on environmental preservation. In my point of view, environment has numerous effects on human’s life which consist of having healthier and happier life that are the most conspicuous ones.
First, without any shadow of doubt, healthy is one of the most important attributes that government should care about it and accomplish necessary proceedings to augmentation morality. One of these intransitive actions is consuming money on environment in order to preserve the existing areas and increment of new milieus such as parks, and green spaces, to name but a few. It helps to diminish pollutions. As a consequence, distinct types of disease will be eliminated. Therefore, many patients are going to recover.
Second, it is incontrovertible axiomatic that if surrounding of our neighborhood replete with natural places like jungles, and parks, it helps us to have the sense of relaxation by visiting several beautiful sites. With this in mind, we have more energy to do different affairs as our daily works, and occupations. So, government should have more tendencies to environmental conservation.       
 In a nutshell, with all this taken into account, I believe that caring about environmental activity is incumbent in every society in order to have healthy and happy people in terms of both physical and mental. In this regard, it provides some circumstances to prosper in other sections. 
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آفلاین Anonymous
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#70
15-06-2014, 11:04 AM
(15-06-2014, 09:55 AM)'bita65' نوشته:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Governments should focus their budgets more on environmental protection than on economic development.
We are living in an age in which government plays significant role in diverse aspects of a country. Environment maintenance and economic enhancement are two important fields. Government should focus on these areas. Although economic problems may have great influences on a country, I hold the view that a government should spend more budgets on environment to improve mental and physical pats. Personally, I subscribe to this idea that government should have more attention on environmental preservation. In my point of view, environment has numerous effects on human’s life which consist of having healthier and happier life that are the most conspicuous ones.
First, without any shadow of doubt, healthy is one of the most important attributes that government should care about it and accomplish necessary proceedings to augmentation morality. One of these intransitive actions is consuming money on environment in order to preserve the existing areas and increment of new milieus such as parks, and green spaces, to name but a few. It helps to diminish pollutions. As a consequence, distinct types of disease will be eliminated. Therefore, many patients are going to recover.
Second, it is incontrovertible axiomatic that if surrounding of our neighborhood replete with natural places like jungles, and parks, it helps us to have the sense of relaxation by visiting several beautiful sites. With this in mind, we have more energy to do different affairs as our daily works, and occupations. So, government should have more tendencies to environmental conservation.       
 In a nutshell, with all this taken into account, I believe that caring about environmental activity is incumbent in every society in order to have healthy and happy people in terms of both physical and mental. In this regard, it provides some circumstances to prosper in other sections. 

 
متنتو رو یه بار خوندم. درباره تصحیح لغت به لغت امیدوارم دوستان کمک کنند،  ولی از منظر مصححین امتحان به این چند نکته توجه کنید.
- شما از نقطه نظرانتخاب لغتهای سنگین و پر مغز سعی دارین که شمای کلی متنتون حرفه ای به نظر بیاد ولی حتما باید به این نکته توجه داشته باشین که در صورت عدم همبستگی لغتی و محتوی و یا به عبارتی coherent نبودن متن ممکنه این انتخابها ناشیانه به نظر برسه و حتی در جهت عکس نتیجه بده.و انتخاب لغاتی و تکیه کلماتی همچون plays significant role in diverse" aspects " یا " First, without any shadow of doubt" یا "it is incontrovertible axiomatic that" خیلی خوبه و سلیقه ی شما رو برای درک و انتخاب متون و بحث های حرفه ای تر نشون میده ولی این باید وقتی باشه که در درجه اول شما از نظر رسوندن منظورتون "کامل تر" و "روان تر" بتونید بگید که چرا نقش توجه دولت به بحث حفظ محیط ریست مهمتر از توسعه ی اقتصادیه. یا مثلا به دنبال انتخاب لغات و اصطلاحات حرفه ای تر شما باید سعی کنید که اشتباهات پیش پا افتاده انشایی نداشته باشید مثل استفاده از صفت healthy در جمله ی حرفه ای تر: First, without any shadow of doubt, healthy is one of the most important attributes...
در نهایت با خوندن متن های ساده تر ولی "روان تر" انگلیسی که به وفور در سایتها و کتابهای نیتیو هست میشه در این زمینه قوی تر شد و در اون موقع استفاده از لغات حرفه ای تر متن بدون اشکال و واضح رو زیبا تر میکنه.
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