نمونه Writing های تافل iBT خود را در این تاپیک قرار دهید.

[Pink Floyd]

درود
دوستان یه نظری بدن ببینم اوضاع خیلی بیت نباشه.
این آخری متاسفانه 40 دقیقه وقت برد ولی از فرمتش خوشم اومد.
any other suggestions would be appreciated

[Behnoush]

درود
دوستان یه نظری بدن ببینم اوضاع خیلی بیت نباشه.
این آخری متاسفانه 40 دقیقه وقت برد ولی از فرمتش خوشم اومد.
any other suggestions would be appreciated

با اجازه من نظراتمو بگم
به نظر من نوشته ی خیلی خوبی بود و اولین چیزی که توی این نوشته نظر منو جلب می کرد استفاده ی خیلی خوب از گنجینه ی لغاتتون و به کار بردن لغت هایی بود که در عین حالی که خیلی پیش پا افتاده نبودن خیلی سنگین و پیچیده هم نبودن. و دیگه انسجام متن به نظرم خیلی خوب بود. شما دلایل کلی برای انتخاب سوژه رو خیلی خوب در پاراگراف اول بیان کردید و در پاراگراف های بعدی دلایلتون رو توضیح داد و در آخر هم جمع بندی کردید که باعث میشه متن انسجام خوبی داشته باشی. و اینکه خیلی به جا از عبارات transition یا قید ها و برتری صفات استفاده کردین.
نکات دیگه ای که به ذهن من رسید و البته نظر شخصیه منه اینه که اگه در اول پاراگراف هایی که دلایل رو ذکر میکنید از Topic sentence استفاده کنید شاید بد نباشه . منظورم اینه که با خوندن جمله اول بدونیم اون پاراگراف قراره درباره چی صحبت کنه به عبارتی همون دلیل اولی که توی پاراگراف اول همراه با بقیه دلایل ذکر کردید رو یه بار دیگه در اول پاراگراف به صورت paraphrase شده بیارید ( که خیلی تکراری هم نباشه ) بعد بسطش بدید. و دیگه اینکه استفاده بیشتر از افعالی مثل I believe یا I think که نشون دهنده ی این باشه این حرفا زاییده ذهن خودتون هست و بهشون اعتقاد دارید نه اینکه صرفا خواستید یه جواب و انشای مناسب تهیه کنید.
البته شما واقعا خودتون مسلطید .
راستی انتخاب موضوع هم عالی بود از اونجا که من خیلی به تاریخ جنگ جهانی دوم علاقه دارم اگه قرار بود نمره بدم به خاطر انتخاب موضوع هم که شده نمره کامل می دادم

[Babak]

بهنوش نکات خیلی خوبی رو گفته، حتما این نکات رو مد نظر داشته باش. به خصوص قسمت استفاده از I think و I believe رو مد نظر قرار بده.
در کل به نظر من هم از نظر انگلیسی متن خیلی خوب و نسبتا روانیه و بعضی از جمله‌هات بسیار عالی نوشته شده و دامنه لغات متن گسترده است. نتیجه‌گیری خوبی هم داره. من به چند تا نکته که به ذهنم رسید اشاره می‌کنم (در بعضی موارد با نگاه سختگیرانه):

۱. اسامی مفرد قابل شمارش رو همیشه باید با article استفاده کرد. در نتیجه به جای When it comes to twentieth century باید بگی When it comes to the twentieth century. همچنین به جای the nightmare of atomic bomb بهتره بگی the horrific atomic bombs یا چیزی شبیه به این. به هر حال، atomic bomb به the احتیاج داره. در این مورد خاص چون بیشتر از یک بمب اتم استفاده شده، بهتره جمع بسته بشه.

۲. سعی کن تا حد ممکن در نوشته رسمی از thing استفاده نکنی. مثلا به جای the first eye-catching thing بهتر بگی the first eye-catching event یا phenomenon. ضمنا eye-catching شاید در اینجا خیلی مناسب نباشه، چون چیزی رو واقعا نمی‌شه دید. شاید mind-boggling بهتر باشه، هر چند که mind-boggling هم غیررسمیه.

۳. an action is taken. بنابر این به جای some violent and immoral actions made باید گفتی some violent and immoral actions taken.

۴. اگر به جای More than 20 millions of people بگی More than 20 million people متنت روان‌تر خواهد بود.

۵. این جمله به نظرم چندان روان نیست و تا حدی شاید از فارسی برگردونده شده باشه:
Today there are several industrialized countries with their electricity supplies - to great extent - based on nuclear power.
اگر به جاش جمله زیر رو بگی بهتره:
Today, power plants in many developed countries use nuclear energy.
ضمنا to great extent هم شامل همون بند ۱ می‌شه و باید گفت to a great extent

۶. جمله زیر با توضیحاتی که در وسط جمله داده شده، جمله ثقیلی شده:
Some think without the use of Little Boy, the first atomic bomb having made at least 100,000 Japanese disappeard, let me take leave to doubt, having put an end to the war was highly unlikely.
من شخصا جملات ساده‌تر و کم ریسک‌تر رو ترجیح می‌دم:
Some think without the use of Little Boy, the first atomic bomb which killed at least 100,000 Japanese, having put an end to the war would have been highly unlikely.

۷. همچنین فکر می‌کنم بهتر باشه به جای
the U.S. a superpower and guaranteed its economy
بگی
the U.S. a superpower and guaranteed its economic success

[Karim]

درود
دوستان یه نظری بدن ببینم اوضاع خیلی بیت نباشه.
این آخری متاسفانه 40 دقیقه وقت برد ولی از فرمتش خوشم اومد.
any other suggestions would be appreciated

درود بر شما،

یکی دو مورد که می تونه نمره این رایتینگ رو کم کند عبارتند از: 1- اشتباهات املایی:هرچند تصحیح کننده گان رایتینگ از اشتباهات کوچیک یا به عبارتی" TYPO'ها می گذرند ولی از نظر انها برخی اشتباهات املایی قابل چشم پوشی نخواهند بود ا اگه همین متن رو در word باز کنید اشتباهات املایی قابل مشاهده خواهند بود
2- parallel structure در این متن بندرت دیده می شود . نمونه های آخر همین کتاب بارونز رو حتما دیده اید که چقدر جملات موازی در ابتدای برخی پارگراف ها زیبایی خاصی به متن ها داده است و حتما هم می دونید که این ساختارهای موازی از نظر تصحیح کننده ها مهمند.
پ. ن" جای کلمات و اصطلاحات ساده اما خیلی مهمی مانند for example ,for instance احساس می شود مثلا، با بکار بردن یک for example بین این چند تا جمله
You can measure a war as an incentive for some growth, the United States itself can
match to this idea very well. For example ,during the war all factories, industries and the entire economy were doing the best wholeheartedly
یک cohesive ظریف و زیبا و در عین حال نمره دهنده بین جملات ایجاد می شود. و اینکه ایرادات بابک هم همانطور که خودش اشاره کرد بر خی هاش خیلی سخت گیرانه است و سرجلسه فرصت دقیق شدن به این شدت نیست و همچنین اگر 40- 50 تا لغت کمتر می نوشتید حتما راس 30 دقیقه تموم می کردید

شاد باشید

[pegah]

a person you know is planning to move to your town or city.What do you think this person would like or dislike about living in your town or city?Why? Use specific reasons and details to develope your essay.
I live in the capital of my country.For some people, especially who live in small towns and remote areas,living in the capital would be a beautiful dream.But from the point of some one's view who is born in such a crowded and modern city,these people are completely wrong.If some of my kins would move to my city,I would try to make them thinking over it more carefully.Of course i percieve that there are many amenities here,but as the time goes on these advantages will fade and disadvantages will get more tangible.There are many problems in my city which will exsaust any pearson after a while.
The most significant disadvantage with living in my city,is exposing to serious diseases caused by air pollution.In my city,many children and adults get lung cancers and heart illnesses annually.And researches have shown the air pollution and chemical fumes are among primary factors causing these sicknesses.Furthermore there are not enough resort areas and amusement parks in the city.Rersidents are forced to drive for hours to get a proper resort place.Thus many people are exposed to spiritual disorders too.
Second,my city's people, just like other big citie's residents,have got too strict and unkind.Some of them even don't know their neiborings indeveduals.Most people only think of indevedual success achieve better posisions or making more money.The affection is forgotten and people usually forget to help or forgive eachother.Indeveduals feel more lonely day by day and depression is outbreaking remarkably.
I should state that there are lots of amenities, many great companies and amazing skyscrapers in my city,which will intrigue any spectator.But there are also many problems in my city that has had diverse nagative effects on the quality of resident's lives .Some serious problems like air pollution and qhysical disorders caused by that.Moreover the city settlers are always in a hurry to attend their jobs, so that even forget their own spritual requisits.warmth and kindness are faded.Therefor i never suggest my friends or my relatives to migrate to my city and settle here.

[Anonymous]

a person you know is planning to move to your town or city.What do you think this person would like or dislike about living in your town or city?Why? Use specific reasons and details to develope your essay.
I live in the capital of my country.For some people, especially who live in small towns and remote areas,living in the capital would be a beautiful dream.But from the point of some one's view who is born in such a crowded and modern city,these people are completely wrong.If some of my kins would move to my city,I would try to make them thinking over it more carefully.Of course i percieve that there are many amenities here,but as the time goes on these advantages will fade and disadvantages will get more tangible.There are many problems in my city which will exsaust any pearson after a while.
The most significant disadvantage with living in my city,is exposing to serious diseases caused by air pollution.In my city,many children and adults get lung cancers and heart illnesses annually.And researches have shown the air pollution and chemical fumes are among primary factors causing these sicknesses.Furthermore there are not enough resort areas and amusement parks in the city.Rersidents are forced to drive for hours to get a proper resort place.Thus many people are exposed to spiritual disorders too.
Second,my city's people, just like other big citie's residents,have got too strict and unkind.Some of them even don't know their neiborings indeveduals.Most people only think of indevedual success achieve better posisions or making more money.The affection is forgotten and people usually forget to help or forgive eachother.Indeveduals feel more lonely day by day and depression is outbreaking remarkably.
I should state that there are lots of amenities, many great companies and amazing skyscrapers in my city,which will intrigue any spectator.But there are also many problems in my city that has had diverse nagative effects on the quality of resident's lives .Some serious problems like air pollution and qhysical disorders caused by that.Moreover the city settlers are always in a hurry to attend their jobs, so that even forget their own spritual requisits.warmth and kindness are faded.Therefor i never suggest my friends or my relatives to migrate to my city and settle here.

Hello, after the long gap between revising your last essay and this, I hope you'd still find this helpful:You write in a normal rate that anyone would take to write good enough for the exam, But, I have found out that you miss some details you need to take care before writing over and over. Please pay attention to these general facts. Although, there are no very specific hard rules, really about writing a flawless essay for the exam- and unfortunately there are always the various tastes of the referees- these instructions might count as useful guides –in your case-:In the exam, you are supposed to write an essay in a limited and distinguished time. You manage your time to do several things.SO>You need to be a multitasking in :1- be ready to present a whole coherent text about the topic, 2- organize the text in to 3 or 4 parts/paragraphs you scheme about, 3- insert your idioms and brand-eye-catching words in it 4- be ready to type there.And these 4 would take extremely 10 to 30 seconds ( in the mind). You'd better get ready by that. Honestly, I do not find this kind of flow in your essays. This essay shows a progress, but you need to make it not show this kinda essential deficiency: Your essay has not been concealed of the straggling difficulties to make a coherent text with selected, sophisticated words you try to imply. If you get distracted by using idiom and vocabs while you are writing, then write simpler texts first. When you become confident enough to throw a well-organized essay with an individual content, then try to insert idioms and.... this is an important issue for the referees, maybe it would boost your mark over 1( or even 2 )out of 4.Good Luck

[pegah]

Dear friends please take a look at my writing.I really need your guidance.

Do u agree or disagree with the following statement?People should sometimes do things that they do not enjoy doing.Use specificreasons and examples to support your answer.

I completely disagree with the statement which says people should sometimes do things they don't like.Because there is no logical reason justifying or supporting this idea.And there is no positive effect generated as a result of this action,in my opinion.We are living in the 21th century,the era of science and technology.Thus we are supposed to think on this kind os satements logically to argue why they are correct or incorrect.And about this sentence i should say that there are many negative effects with this kind of action'doing things we don't enjoy"

first,it has several adverse effects on human's spirit.Most of psychologists believe our heart feels depression when it do't reach the things it desires.It feels fail in such acase ,and being forced or obliged to do some thing undesirable is concidered as a fail to heart as well.Of course the word heart refers to spirit, not the material heart which is visible.

second,people succeed in works they dasire to do.Researches show that indeveduals like the works which they have talents in.Of course this notion is automatic,and people theirselves are not aware of their talents usually,but they just know that enjoy some actions more.

Last,but not unimportant,decrease in efficiency.Experience has shown that efficiency comes down when people don't enjoy doing an activity.For example an employee who is not satisfied by his job,and has got the job just to provide his or her requirements,has less consentration on his or her function.Concequently the quality of services or products will be reduced.

It has been saied that people sometimes should do activities they don't desire.To accept or reject any idea,we need to argue it and present reasons to support our believes.I believe this statement is compeletely illogical and has no advantage with.It will causes spiritual harms ,reducing efficiency,and it may make people uninterested in learning new materials and skills.

[Pink Floyd]

درود
پگاه جان اولین حرف هر جمله ای باید یزرگ نوشته بشه. تو تمام نوشته هات بعد از نقطه فاصله نمی ذاری ها؟؟؟؟؟؟؟؟
قبلا هم گفتم یه ذره بیشتر تو نقطه گذاری دقت کن بنظرم عادت کردی.

[shokooh]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A person should never make an important decision alone. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.Decision-making especially the important one is a very prevalent phenomenon each one of us undergoes throughout our life.

To my understanding, I am of the standpoint conceded every person has the personal rights to make his own destiny, in some cases he cannot makes underlying decisions alone especially those cases which have effects on other individuals. There appear to be numerous reasons why I hold on, and I would explicate solely a few primary ones, as follows.

To begin with, for children who cannot recognize the bad from the good, it is of vital significance that they are not able to make pivotal decisions themselves. To shed more light on the issue, the children do not have so much experience in compared with their parents that they cannot make the authentic decision. As a case in point, which school is better for children to attend? Which road of life will they go? More important is with whom friends they have relationships? There is no shadow of doubt that their friends have drastic impression on children owing to the fact that they spend most of the time with them in school or even after school’s time and children have inclination to imitate the behaviors and actions of their friends. Moreover, as it is known to all, children and teenagers are at the age when they are so stubborn and presumptuous; hence, the parents do coerce them to abide by some decisions they make. Further, it is expected of parents to inform children how to realize the bad from the good.

On the other hand, for the young they are mature enough that they are able to make decision about their personal matters, but they also take advice from the elderly. To put it more simply, for any young person there lie a plethora of decisions such as, choosing a major in university, selection of a life partner, choosing a career and so forth they should make throughout his/her life and it is noteworthy that no one can understand the taste and likings of a person better than himself. Furthermore, it is quite fruitful to hear the opinions of well-wishers and the experienced respecting the deciding issues. However, the individual himself/herself should take the final decision after carefully weighting all options in order of importance and receiving consultation, like marital counseling from experts. Thus, not only does it give the youth self-confidence, but they can gradually learn how to put on their own feet and get along well with difficulties they maybe encounter in their lives.

In the eventual place, decision making about something is quite different when it comes to taking decision involving political, national, international, business and environmental issues. It is taken for granted that the decision to be made in these cases has desperate ramifications on quite a lot of people than that of the personal issues owing to the fact that maybe the consequences of theses decision have influence on the lives and fates of a myriad of individuals of society. As regards these principal issues, one can never make decision alone; rather, the potpourri of responsible persons by having brainstorming session of all involved persons and also using expert knowledge of consultants should make final decision. The suggestions provided by the consultants can be expected to be suitable, since most of them are either by scientific methods or based on a reliable statistical data of past.

To put the main points in a nutshell, taking all of the aforementioned discussions, I in person cleave to the conviction that one can take the liberty by himself/ herself about decisions when it comes to personal issues, yet when it involves decisions beyond one person, one cannot make decision alone.

ممنون میشم این رایتینگ رو دوستان با تجربه تصحیح کنن.

[Pejman]

شما متن تون خیلی خوبه. به نظر می رسه سطح زبانتون خیلی بالاست. من به شخصه خیلی جاهاش رو اصلاً متوجه نشدم، از بس که لغاتش ناآشنا بود. بنابراین خیلی هم نمی تونم نقد کنم... یه نکته اینکه به جای himself/herself فکر می کنم themselves بتونید به کار ببرید. در واقع هر جا جنسیت نامعلوم باشه می شه از ضمیر سوم شخص جمع استفاده کرد. البته اگر اشتباه می کنم دوستان اصلاح کنند.


چند مورد اشتباه گرامری هم از نظ من داشتید، البته در همه موارد مطمئن نیستم حق با من باشه! با قرمز مشخص کردم.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A person should never make an important decision alone. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.Decision-making especially the important one is a very prevalent phenomenon each one of us undergoes throughout our life.

To my understanding, I am of the standpoint conceded every person has the personal rights to make his own destiny, in some cases he cannot makes (make) underlying decisions alone especially those cases which have effects on other individuals. There appear to be numerous reasons why I hold on, and I would explicate solely a few primary ones, as follows.

To begin with, for children who cannot recognize the bad from the good, it is of vital significance that they are not able to make pivotal decisions themselves. To shed more light on the issue, the children do not have so much experience in compared with (compared to) their parents that they cannot make the authentic decision. As a case in point, which school is better for children to attend? Which road of life will they go? More important is with whom friends they have relationships? There is no shadow of doubt that their friends have drastic impression on children owing to the fact that they spend most of the time with them in school or even after school’s time and children have inclination to imitate the behaviors and actions of their friends. Moreover, as it is known to all, children and teenagers are at the age when they are so stubborn and presumptuous; hence, the parents do coerce them to abide by some decisions they make. Further, it is expected of parents to inform children how to realize the bad from the good.

On the other hand, for the young they are mature enough that they are able to make decision about their personal matters, but they also take advice from the elderly. To put it more simply, for any young person there lie a plethora of decisions such as, choosing a major in university, selection of a life partner, choosing a career and so forth they should make throughout his/her life and it is noteworthy that no one can understand the taste and likings of a person better than himself. Furthermore, it is quite fruitful to hear the opinions of well-wishers and the experienced respecting the deciding issues. However, the individual himself/herself should take the final decision after carefully weighting all options in order of importance and receiving consultation, like marital counseling from experts. Thus, not only does it give the youth self-confidence, but they can gradually learn how to put on their own feet and get along well with difficulties they maybe (may) encounter in their lives.

In the eventual place, decision making about something is quite different when it comes to taking decision involving political, national, international, business and environmental issues. It is taken for granted that the decision to be made in these cases has desperate ramifications on quite a lot of people than that of the personal issues owing to the fact that maybe the consequences of theses decision have influence on the lives and fates of a myriad of individuals of society. As regards these principal issues, one can never make decision alone; rather, the potpourri of responsible persons by having brainstorming session of all involved persons and also using expert knowledge of consultants should make final decision. The suggestions provided by the consultants can be expected to be suitable, since most of them are either by scientific methods or based on a reliable statistical data of past.

To put the main points in a nutshell, taking all of the aforementioned discussions, I in person cleave to the conviction that one can take the liberty by himself/ herself about decisions when it comes to personal issues, yet when it involves decisions beyond one person, one cannot make decision alone.

ممنون میشم این رایتینگ رو دوستان با تجربه تصحیح کنن.