14-07-2014, 07:19 PM
(14-07-2014, 04:22 PM)'neo1992' نوشته: دوستان خواهش میکنم این رایتینگ و تصحیح کنید و بگید وضع رایتینگم چقدر خرابه من شش ماه دیگه باید امتحان بدم و چون واحد دارم همزمان با درس دانشگاه برای تافل باید بخونم حتما بالای 95 باید بگیرم و خیلی ناامیدم ... راهنمایی کنید لطفا
چون تو 30 دقیقه نوشتم دیگه فرصت تصحیح نداشتم و first draft هست
موضوع : Nowdays food has become easier to prepare has this improved the way people live?
This is life in the 21th st century, A very fast paced rhythm of commuting between work places and homes ,. A world filled with ambitious workholics who only care about doing getting the job done in the shortest amount oftime possible. People who 50 percent of their daily time is alloted to work and only work . This is the reason why the only qualities of food they understand are can be put in two terms "taste" and "preparation time" .These Hardworking people who aspire to achieve the best don't feel the neccessity of fancy and huge portions of steaks with an amount of caviar , These things seem extravagant and not harmonious withtheir fast pace life . People nowdays are mostly familiar with daily usage of quickly prepared foods such as hamburgers , pizzas or chicken wings . They enjoy the easily routine they have to go through to get a delicious meal deliveredto their house , a phone call and probably paying an amount of money between 10 to 30 dollars . This is the era of fast foods . For people who work approximately 12 hours a day not having to forced to go to shops and groccerystores to buy the essential ingriedients , and spending at least half to one hour to prepare their dinner is a blessing from the modern human lifestyle . In a sense , it can be said such a phenomenon contributed alot toto improve the speed of humans lives . These fast foods eliminated the need of tedious cooking routines needed to prepare three portions of meals every single day . Today in the united states many of newyorkers who don't have enough time for such things prefer to have brunch at a local place instead of a fancy breakfast at their own house . The whole phenomenon of fast food and various types of restaurants and brunch places has a great rolein the evoloution of cave men to wallstreet guys . However/But it not only good that comes out of these this unbelievable blessing of modern lifestyle . Widespread obessity and high blood pressure are few two of many health problems caused by excessive usage of unhealthy fast foods, notto mention cancer that in some cases is related to long time/term usage of such products . It is clear that we cannot abandon our favorite restaurants such as MacDonalds and Burgerking , they are essential parts of our lives .In On the other side hand we have worried doctors who dont approve of such madness and indicate that this is a good recipie for suicide . Now we face a serious question , which one is the right path ? In conclusion , we can say "yes" , quickly prepared food contributed a lot to the improvement of our lifstyle , but because of health issues their usage should be meticulously monitored and brought under control.A balance between terms is needed to maintain both "health" and "speed of daily life" of modern man .
به نظرم خيلي ايرادي نداشت فقط تو تايپتون دقت كنيد. گفتيد در فاصله زماني فرصت بازخوني پيدا نكرديد. اگر بتونيد كمي سرعتتون را ببريد بالا تا با بازخوني حروف بزرگ و فاصله بين دو كلمه رو حتما ايجاد كنيد بهتر هست. (اضافه، حذف، ادبي تر)
Whether you think you can or can't, you are right