I just say my opinion about the question " How could computers be considered a hindrance "
One of the most important purposes of creation of computers was saving time.
We should always consider it but the reality is this that computer takes the time of many people instead of nothing ! Why ? I think that's because a lot of people don't know the way of using computers.
I myself have had this problem and now if I want to give you a solution, I say you how I solved my problem.
Some years ago, I used computer to find good things, to improve myself without any exact goal !
The key is here, we should need to do something then we can use computer to answer our needs but when we surf in the net without any certain need, we are destroying our golden time in a confusing place.
so briefly, the reason is needless surfing ... that's why the computers are taking our time just for a little benefit ...
so we should face with a problem, then we can know the solution by the computers.


ممنون می شم برام تصحیح کنید فقط معذرت بابت زبان افتضاح من

تازه 
Elementary 
هستم

(03-09-2013, 06:28 AM)'mr.h.gm' نوشته:

I just say my opinion about the question " How could computers be considered a hindrance "
One of the most important purposes of creation of computers was saving time.
We should always consider it but the reality is this that computer takes the time of many people instead of nothing ! Why ? I think that's because a lot of people don't know the way of using computers.
I myself have had this problem and now if I want to give you a solution, I say you how I solved my problem.
Some years ago, I used computer to find good things, to improve myself without any exact goal !
The key is here, we should need to do something then we can use computer to answer our needs but when we surf in the net without any certain need, we are destroying our golden time in a confusing place.
so briefly, the reason is needless surfing ... that's why the computers are taking our time just for a little benefit ...
so we should face with a problem, then we can know the solution by the computers.
ممنون می شم برام تصحیح کنید فقط معذرت بابت زبان افتضاح من

تازه 
Elementary 
هستم

راستی این اولین رایتینگ من هست من تجربه ای در زمینه نوشتن ندارم متاسفانه و قطعا علاوه بر اشکالات زبانی، اصول کلی رایتینگ رو اصلا رعایت نکردم ! خودم می دونم اما الان فقط هدفم اینه اشکالات زبانیمو بفهمم ( گرامری و لغوی )

 

(03-09-2013, 06:28 AM)'mr.h.gm' نوشته:

I just say my opinion about the question " How could computers be considered a hindrance "
One of the most important purposes of creation of computers was saving time.
We should always consider it but the reality is this that computer takes the time of many people instead of nothing ! Why ? I think that's because a lot of people don't know the way of using computers.
I myself have had this problem and now if I want to give you a solution, I say you how I solved my problem.
Some years ago, I used computer to find good things, to improve myself without any exact goal !
The key is here, we should need to do something then we can use computer to answer our needs but when we surf in the net without any certain need, we are destroying our golden time in a confusing place.
so briefly, the reason is needless surfing ... that's why the computers are taking our time just for a little benefit ...
so we should face with a problem, then we can know the solution by the computers.
ممنون می شم برام تصحیح کنید فقط معذرت بابت زبان افتضاح من

تازه 
Elementary 
هستم

راستی این اولین رایتینگ من هست من تجربه ای در زمینه نوشتن ندارم متاسفانه و قطعا علاوه بر اشکالات زبانی، اصول کلی رایتینگ رو اصلا رعایت نکردم ! خودم می دونم اما الان فقط هدفم اینه اشکالات زبانیمو بفهمم ( گرامری و لغوی )

 

The subject " how could computers be considered a hindrance "
In my point of view, The computers have good effects on our lives while they may have negative effects on our lives 'too.[font] We can't ignore it that the computers are one of the most important parts of our lives.

As you know, Everything can be harmful if we don't use it in the correct way. 
About the computer, It can be harmful if we use it without any purpose.
The negative results can destroy our lives; Here I point to some of them :
- Negative effect on our communication skill.
- Fills all of our time so we won't have enough time for more important (مسائل) such as our family, our friends etc.
- Our bones will be damaged by don't moving for a long time.
- Our eyesight will be decreased
 
Wait ! Don't worry ! I have good news for you ! Every problem has a certain solution !
And the solutions are :
- To improve the communication skill, we can register on forums such as academiacafe.com
- To don't allow computers to fill all of our time, We can plan carefully and have a good time management so we can manage our time effectively.
- To keep our bones in a good condition, We should stop every 20 minutes and have some movements.
- And finally, to don't harm our eyesight, We should see other things every 15 minutes and we shouldn't focus on the screen for a long time without any break.

In summary, We should learn it that It's a must to use tools in it's correct way and the computers are one of them. So let's start from now ! We " The humans " will not allow tools that we made ourselves to decrease the quality of our lives because we invented them to have a better world ! Don't we !?

پاتریک خیلی سعی کردم بهترین عملکردم رو داشته باشم
قبلی رو خیلی بی دقت و سر سری نوشته بودم
لطفا ایرادات این رایتینگم رو هم بگو خیلی ممنون می شم
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(03-09-2013, 11:29 PM)'mr.h.gm' نوشته:

The subject " how could computers be considered a hindrance "
In my point of view, The computers have good effects on our lives while they may have negative effects on our lives 'too. We can't ignore it that the computers are one of the most important parts of our lives.
As you know, Everything can be harmful if we don't use it in the correct way. 
About the computer, It can be harmful if we use it without any purpose.
The negative results can destroy our lives; Here I point to some of them :
- Negative effect on our communication skill.
- Fills all of our time so we won't have enough time for more important (مسائل) such as our family, our friends etc.
- Our bones will be damaged by don't moving for a long time.
- Our eyesight will be decreased
Wait ! Don't worry ! I have good news for you ! Every problem has a certain solution !
And the solutions are :
- To improve the communication skill, we can register on forums such as academiacafe.com
- To don't allow computers to fill all of our time, We can plan carefully and have a good time management so we can manage our time effectively.
- To keep our bones in a good condition, We should stop every 20 minutes and have some movements.
- And finally, to don't harm our eyesight, We should see other things every 15 minutes and we shouldn't focus on the screen for a long time without any break.
In summary, We should learn it that It's a must to use tools in it's correct way and the computers are one of them. So let's start from now ! We " The humans " will not allow tools that we made ourselves to decrease the quality of our lives because we invented them to have a better world ! Don't we !?
پاتریک خیلی سعی کردم بهترین عملکردم رو داشته باشم
قبلی رو خیلی بی دقت و سر سری نوشته بودم
لطفا ایرادات این رایتینگم رو هم بگو خیلی ممنون می شم

 

 

(04-09-2013, 01:06 AM)'ForeverBlue' نوشته:

منظور از رایتینگ، بیشتر یک متن به هم پیوسته و منسجم است. متن شما بیشتر شبیه اتصال جملات جداگانه ولی به هم مرتبط است و آن پیوستگی لازم را ندارد. البته نسبت به متن قبلی بسیار بهتر است. در رایتینگ قرار نیست شما به حالت لیست و شماره بندی (1-...2-... 3-...) بنویسید.
بتدریج خواهید آموخت که از کلمات حرفه ای تری استفاده کنید. مثلا good effects خیلی معمولی است و شاید بهتر باشد از undeniable positive effects   استفاده شود. 

 

شاید تنها دلخوشیم سن کمم باشه - 17 - و جایی که برای پیشرفت دارم.
باشه ممنون پاتریک جان حتما روش بیشتر وقت میزارم خوبیش اینه که آدم به ضعفش پی می بره و تلاششو بیشتر می کنه.

(10-02-2014, 12:10 AM)'الیمز' نوشته: سلام این writingدر مورد یه تجربه بد در راه برگشت از سف است و من قصد دارم از time realationshipدر متن استفاده کنم. در ضمن من خیلی مبتدی هستم ممنون میشم اگر متن را تصحیح کنید.
در ضمن در مورد جای علاءم نگارش لطفآ گوش زد کنید.
Last year,when we were returning hom from the trip to north of iran, a terible car accidend was happened in front of us. A car overturned and the passengers of car injured badly . Afterthat we taked off from our car to help them then we understood they stranded on car. First of all we called emergency for help and next we tried to pull them out. One of them becam unconscious and it was difficult to pull her out of car. While we were helping them two persons came and they also tried to help them. After a few minutes we could pull them out of car. Afterwards ambulance came and moved them to hospital.
لطفآ اگر جملهای احتیاج هست به این متن اضافه کنید. البته مطمءنم که خیلی ایراد داره؛(
 

(10-02-2014, 12:10 AM)'الیمز' نوشته: سلام این writingدر مورد یه تجربه بد در راه برگشت از سف است و من قصد دارم از time realationshipدر متن استفاده کنم. در ضمن من خیلی مبتدی هستم ممنون میشم اگر متن را تصحیح کنید.
در ضمن در مورد جای علاءم نگارش لطفآ گوش زد کنید.